Thinking is bad...sometimes

Well, what can I say. Second time I've started a journal (web). Maybe its just me but i have yet to find a way to vent how im feeling. Most people have a best friend or close relative they can talk to and/or relate experiences with, but i have neither, well, theres always Carrie and mom and a few others, but I cant tell them exactly what im feeling about some things. I have a strong feeling that years from now, im going to have a mental break-down because I have no choice but to bottle all of my feelings and emotions up. Whats so bad is that I try to let them go, but something always happens or someone always says something to bring them back. Its like a never ending cycle. Maybe i do need to a Chaplain or shrink or something. Something's wrong with me, mentally, but for the past 7 years, ive failed to figure it out on my own. Something is dictating the way i act, the decisions I make on certain issues, and the way I think (as well as the way I view the world). Anyways, about my day:

Today started off alright. Woke up at 0745 and headed over to the galley with my room mate to eat breakfast. Afterwards we decided to meet up at the Oasis/NEX to play pool around 1230. I dont quite remember what I did in the time between breakfast and 1230 aside from ironing a set of utilities for monday. Oden (room mate) and I met up and decided to go to chow before we played pool. He was in PT gear so he had to take his food out of the galley, so I ate alone. Its kinda depressing being new and only having one friend. Oh well! After chow I went to the Oasis but he wasnt there so I hopped on a computer for an hour then watched the ending of "Munich". It was a rather bland movie not worth watching again. After Munich, I played 2 hrs of pool with Oden. He kicked my ass everytime except twice. After that, I got on the computer again...wait, no! I went back to the barracks to grab my book and cigars, which I ended up not reading and smoking. Went to chow, the Nex, then headed for the beach. I sat on the stairs for a good hour or so just looking out into the Atlantic, watching a family play in the waves, and listening to the sound of the water. I dont know why ive been becoming depressed so much this past couple days. Ive thought alot about the baby, Carrie, our marriage, and my ultimate future, and questions keep popping up about everything except the baby. Is it because I miss Carrie? Is it because im so unsure of myself? I really dont know. I wish there were honest answers to my questions. I feel so complete, yet I feel so lonely, out of place, and insignificant. Its to the point where everything about me disqusts me because deep down, I dont feel as if I deserve to be here. Why am I here anyways? What is my purpose in life? What is my true destiny? Up until this point, I was unsure about myself and my purpose, but at least my future was pretty much laid out and I knew what I had to do to attain what I wanted. Right now, EVERYTHING is uncertain and its beginning to scare me. I question everything and everyone, literally. I feel myself slowly falling apart on the inside, yet something is holding me together on the outside. What is it and why? Why do I have to be here and experience what I am now and have in the past? I didnt ask to be put here. Why me? I just wish someone would tell me, why me?